Going Numb (Native?) Without Noticing It: Tarantulas, Scorpions, Exploding Ovens and Fans That Go “Crash” In The Night...

A couple of months ago, Audrey and I met for lunch with a friend who used to live in the house we are renting (and is therefore familiar with the steady drumbeat of quirky problems that pop up around the house). When we first arrived in Costa Rica last July, we used to share with Lisa our shock at some of the strange issues that we would encounter (huge gaps around doors and windows that let in the cold air // leaks in the water pipes under the backyard // the strange oven that literally sits there plopped up on the counter because the owner ran out of steam during the last phases of construction and never built it in with tiles as planned).

Don't let the seemingly solid looking exterior fool you...

Don’t get me wrong. We LOVE the house overall (to the point that we have debated trying to buy it, fix the quirks, and rent it out…it is THAT cool and unique a property). But when you aren’t yet used to the Central American way of "building things ALMOST right and not worrying about those pesky details,” then the house can drive you mad for a bit. But then you give in. During our recent lunch, Lisa asked what the latest list of issues looked like and after pausing for a minute, I said “actually, I don’t think there ARE any. Wow. I hadn’t realized how stable things had become!” A few minutes later I remembered a recent house issue and turned to Audrey and said “Oh, wait. What about the light that exploded into a million little pieces over the stairs?" “Oh, yeah." She replied. "I guess there was that.” (we are afraid to touch it and it still doesn’t work but that’s ok because the other fixtures nearby seem ok). Then it was Audrey's turn. “And what about the leak in the roof over the master bedroom? We have to put towels down every night during rainy season.” (this hasn’t been fixed either…after a few months with it we figured it’d be fine if we let the landlord wait until we moved in June before he fixes it). “Oh yeah. That to.” I said. “And I guess there is also the fact that the portón (the gate) was broken for a week. (it added about five minutes to coming and going to the house each time). And the light in Jack’s room that stopped working for good. (we never fixed it). And the fact that the construction nearby seems to keep knocking out the neighborhood water pump. (it always comes back on EVENTUALLY). And…" That’s when Lisa jumped in and said “whoa…you’ve gone native. You have stopped getting shocked and annoyed at the little things that pop up and just started accepting them — as if in some way it is actually NORMAL to have to work around constant issues like these!" It hit us then that she was right. I guess we have become numb to the craziness. And it kinda feels nice. For example…let’s talk bugs for a moment. Things we have learned to accept and things we have learned to hate...

Ahhh...the spiders...built in bug control!

Bugs and stuff... A couple of weeks ago, we took off for a few weeks of kid-language classes in Monteverde (part of our ongoing “fourth quarter home-schooling/language-schooling/exploration” craziness). As we were in the process of unpacking (we rented a tiny condo for two weeks) Audrey said “hey, i think there is a spider in the little night stand in the kids’ room. can you kill it?”

For the record...not a spider. And not easy to kill either.

Jack loves seeing big creepy-crawlies so he came with me. He held the flashlight while I looked for the spider….WHICH turned out to be a BIIIIG scorpion (!?!). We don’t really have scorpions where we live in Heredia but we have seen them in hotels during our travels. In the past I have caught them in glasses and flushed them down the toilet, etc. This time I tried to crush it, only to learn that the whole exoskeleton thing seems to be tailor made to thwart paperback books and “only reasonable amounts” of pressure. As soon as I took the book away he took off. I stopped him with the book and then stomped on it a few times. That did the job. A few days later Jack got out of the shower and picked his pants up off the bathroom floor — making sure to shake them first (something we heard was necessary that time of year in Monteverde). Sure enough, ANOTHER armor-clad-arthropod-of-evil slipped out of Jack's pants and started running across the floor. That time I used a hardcover book. Tom 2…Scorpions 0.

Scorpions just plain suck. Don't like 'em. Period. Never moving to Arizona.

It hit me later that night that over the course of the year we have learned a lot about bugs. Some get a thumbs up while others get a big-ol’ thumbs down. THUMBS UP — Beetles: I kinda like beetles. Most of the family feels bad for them...

Poor beetles. They are incredibly stupid and largely harmless. I feel bad for them... : (

I’m no entomologist from what we have seen at the house in Heredia, about the only thing beetles seem to have going for them when it comes to “survival of the species” is that they pop out a bazillion baby beetles each. Other than that they are slow, timid, and unbelievably stupid. During quiet times of the year we find 3-5 dead ones each morning around the house or on the deck. During mating season (spring time) we can find up to 30. It is very rare, in fact, to come across a LIVE one (or at least a live one that isn’t dying — swaying back and forth like a drunkard. And some of them look pretty cool, too. THUMBS DOWN — Weird Moscas (flies): The kids HATE these things (whatever they are)... There are lots of flying insects around but most don’t bother you. Or if they do, they are familiar faces (e.g. mosquitos…although there aren’t many of those in the mountains where we live). However, particularly down near the European School, there are tons of these weird little biting flies. They have long dangling legs and fly slower than any fly or mosquito I have ever seen. But they are abundant enough that you can’t kill ‘em all and the kids HATE them. The school is a typical CR building and it isn’t “sealed off” from the outside world (windows are all open with no screens, etc.) so these guys sometimes invade the classrooms. I still remember listening to the kids laughing and complaining about the “moscas” back in October (swapping stories, etc.). It wasn’t a “whining” conversation (“I can’t believe you took us to this bug filled place!”). More of a sign of adjustment and acceptance (“how crazy is it that our school has no walls in some place and there are weird bugs that bop in and out during class?”

This isn't a pic of the right kind of mosca. I need the kids to help me find one. The right ones ARE kinda weird...

THUMBS UP — Tarantulas (aka “Picacaballos”): Yes, you are reading that correctly. The boys and I have gone on a couple of night hikes this year and learned a lot about tarantulas. I kinda feel bad for them now. They really aren’t aggressive. Generally live a crappy fear-filled life in which 98% of them don’t make it to adulthood. Etc. They are abundant in some of the places we have VISITED but there aren’t a lot of them around Heredia where we live. However, now that all of the guests for the year have come and gone, I will admit that we DID find a dead one in the guest house sink once. The “guest house” is really more of a tiny, camping-like cabin than a “house.” So you get bugs and stuff in there when it is empty for a while. Evidently, very rarely a picacaballo will stumble into a house or cabin like this. Almost inevitably that means death because there isn’t enough for it to eat and they don’t seem to be very good at wandering OUT of places once they are inside. This poor guy was no exception.

Sorry all you guests. We DID find this guy in the sink in the guest house. But look at how sad he looks (probably because he's dead). They really are misunderstood.

THUMBS WAY DOWN (for me, at least) — Scorpions Lia is our only kiddo with a completely irrational fear of bugs (which made for some fun moments during a year living in a tropical country, in “el campo” up a mountain, etc.). The rest of us are generally fine (although for some reason the boys love to LOOK at big bugs, spiders, etc. but they won’t actually KILL them…that always falls to me). But I have realized over the past few months that my one irrational creepy-crawly fear is scorpions. I really hate them. If you are going to be a creepy-crawly with a shell, be a beetle. They are harmless, slow moving, etc. It seems unfair that you should get to have armor AND a freakin’ stinger. I also hate the fact that they sneak up on you, hide in places that ensure you are going to scare them into stinging you, etc. Spiders hang out in corners and up high and eat bugs for you. Hell, even roaches (which we have also seen this year at one point until we got rid of ‘em) avoid humans like the plague (well…they probably don’t avoid the plague, in fact they might CARRY plagues, but you get the point). But scorpions look at your sheets or your shoes or your towel on the floor and say “oh…what a nice cozy place for me!” Then when you disturb them, they nail ya’. People say I’m overreacting and that, after all, their stings are just like bee stings. They won’t kill you. But again — bees go “buzz…here I come…big loud warning for you!” And they sleep when we sleep. Scorpions are little armor-plated special-ops creatures who nail you in your sleep (an irrational fear made rational while we were in Nicaragua and a guy we know got stung twice in the middle of the night because he didn’t check his sheets before going to sleep and unknowingly curled up with a big ol’ evil scorpion) . I won’t miss them. And I don’t think I’ll ever be moving to Arizona or Texas or anywhere else where they are plentiful.

Just a reminder...same pic...these are EVIL...

THUMBS UP — Giant Bugs That has been one of the fun parts of living in a tropical country. Even in the cooler weather mountains you find some crazy stuff. Like this guy who was hanging out outside our door a few weeks ago.

BIG but harmless (unless you are a leaf)

Or this guy that we found in the driveway.

Big...armored...but not that scary (even when alive...and this one was dead).

Or THIS guy that we found near the kids’ classroom at the language school in Monteverde. Evidently he is nocturnal and must have got lost or something. Eventually he took off and fluttered off toward a tree, only be to be SNATCHED out of mid-air by a bird about two seconds before he reached safety! The kids are still talking about their firsthand glimpse of life on the food chain!

This guy was HUGE! Kinda sad...and yet kinda cool...to see him taken out of mid-air by a bird!?!

Building Code? What Building Code? I already mentioned the steady stream of annoyances around the house (pretty much ALL due to someone cutting a corner during construction). In Manuel’s defense (he’s the guy who owns the house), pretty much EVERYONE cuts corners in Central America when it comes to construction (our neighbors Nicole and Moreno are a notable exception, although it’s kinda crazy when you listen to Moreno’s stories about how HARD it was to find a place that sold good, quality, insulated doors and who actually knew how to install them). Here are my two new favorite additions to the category of “but of COURSE that happened!" At Least The Chinese Know How To Make Good Oven Doors... When we were in Nicaragua, we rented a beautiful looking condo in a cool little off the beaten path part of Granada. Other than this one (kinda big) issue, our experience there was fantastic. Great staff. Great rooms. Etc. But there WAS the issue of the exploding oven. The second night of our stay, I turned on the oven to pre-heat it. In a country where a huge portion of the population is cooking over wood fires, an oven of ANY kind is a HUGE luxury. In this case, it was a weird Chinese brand I had never heard of. Oh…and it was powered by a little propane tank tucked into the cabinets.

What followed was your typical “kink in the gas line and sticky ignitor switch” story. Stove lights fine. Then evidently gas stops entering stove so pilot goes off. Then kink in tube seems to clear itself and gas starts reentering and FILLING stove. Then stove magically somehow restarts itself (tech said he thinks the switch was sticking) and KAAAA-BOOOOM! I was standing next to the stove when it happened. Whole thing lifted off the ground about a foot and was thrown forward over a foot. I jumped back out of the way so it didn’t land on my feet (ohhh…those catlike reflexes!). Luckily the oven door held (the safety glass blew out but that’s it). If the door had opened, I probably would have been toast (literally and figuratively). Best part of all was the reaction of the hotel workers and locals. Locals came over from all around the neighborhood (everyone sits out on their stoops at night because the temp is finally below 90-100!?!). Sounded like a bomb had gone off. But once they realized that it wasn’t a bomb, the front desk guy spent about two minutes tinkering with it and then said “maybe you want to wait a few minutes before using it? But it’s probably fine, right?" We did cook a lot on the stove top but I never touched that freakin’ oven for the next 3 weeks. No longer a big fan of fans... I already mentioned the fact that we had to kill multiple scorpions in the kids’ room in Monteverde. By the time the last night arrived, Audrey and I were high-fifing ourselves that we never had to deal with the potential nightmare of one of the kids waking up in the middle of the night because of a scorpion sting. Evidently we should have been worried about a different kind of potential injury in the middle of the night. Around 4:00 am we heard a loud crash. We half woke up and said to each other “what was that?” But then Audrey said “it was probably mice or some sort of animal knocking something over down in the kitchen. Who cares.” So we rolled over to go back to sleep. (that response in and of itself is probably indicative of “being numb to the weirdness!”). Then we heard Charlie yell out “Mom! Dad! It fell! It fell and I think it fell on Jack!"

Luckily Jack was sleeping curled up in a ball or this spinning fan would have made a mess of his legs when it hit his bed!

I ran into the other room (the four kids were all crammed into one tiny bedroom…mattress on the floor, etc.) and sure enough, the entire freakin’ ceiling fan had fallen onto Jack’s bed and then onto the floor. The steady-drip of water coming from the gaping hole in the roof kinda gave away what the problem had been but knowing the cause didn’t really help make the mess go away. My favorite part of the whole experience was everyone’s reactions. First off, Jack someone didn’t even wake up right away. It had missed hitting him (by inches) and he just rolled back to sleep until Charlie woke him up. From there, it was about 5 minutes of people trying to figure out where to go back to sleep (“I’m sleeping with mom!” “Dad…you go downstairs to the couch.” “I’ll sleep on the floor over here.”). And that was it. Everyone went back to sleep, got up in the morning and went to their Spanish classes just like a normal day. : ) --------------------------------------- On the one hand, it WILL be nice to be back in a place like Boston where you can just EXPECT things to “work” and when they don’t, you can actually be surprised about it. But on the other hand, there is something to be said for being forced to chill-out and roll with the punches — to deal with little things around the house, to build a few extra minutes into your driving plans in case the cows are out on the road, to accept that when weird stuff happens (like exploding ovens and collapsing ceilings) all you can do is check for bodily harm, and move on if there is none. Hopefully we can carry with us a bit of that all important life lesson — “seeing the world as it is and not just as you wish it were…"

On the bright side, THIS view is still part of "seeing the world as it is..."