Object-Permanence (June 2014) | Making Storytellers

June 1, 2014 When we told our kids that we were going to move to Costa Rica for a year, we witnessed a range of reactions. But "speechless" definitely wasn't one of them. They were, in fact, quite full of speech. You could go so far as to call them "speechful."

You know that developmental psych test they give babies to see whether or not they have figured out “object permanence”? The one where they roll a ball under the couch and see if the baby keeps looking for it, blah, blah, blah? I took one Psych class in college and the only things I can remember are this test and the fact that some guy named Phineas Gage had a railroad rod blown through his head in the 1850’s…and survived, albeit with a new personality and the fame that goes along with being a guy who helped dramatically further our understanding of how the brain works. But I digress. That’s a story for another day. Back to the ball rolling under the couch... We may all reach the “object permanence” developmental milestone as babies, but I think that kids (and, i’m sure, many adults) still struggle with the idea of “relationship permanence.” When we told the kids that we were moving for a year, they defaulted to the natural tendency to think that THEY were like the ball rolling under the chair (“huh…the Gavins just rolled out of sight…i guess they don't exist anymore.").

I think we have moved past that as we have moved closer to departure-day. But to be honest it is a classic example of the type of awareness that we hope that everyone gains from this year — the realization that your close relationships are close not because of the expectation that you will be there to share every day in the future but because you have built bonds through shared experiences in the past or through shared interests or through open and honest conversation, etc.. We also want the kids to come away with an appreciation of the fact that friendship, bonding, enjoyment, etc. aren’t zero-sum games. Broadening your life experiences doesn’t eliminate old friendships and experiences…it only creates more opportunities for additional friendships and experiences. The ball that rolls away isn't gone forever. It'll come back. But who knows...it may discover whole new kick-ass world behind that chair that it will also feel forever connected to going forward.

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